you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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