This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
