Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
