He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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