don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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