why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
