It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
