My friends, they love my intelligence
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
