You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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