fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
