i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
