she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
