Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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