I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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