Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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