Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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