I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
