I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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