It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
