I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
