so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
