I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
