she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
