there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
