just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
