Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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