I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just pee around me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
