He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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