he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
