I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
