Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
