Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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