I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
