i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
