the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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