It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
