from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
