My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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