yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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