Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
