Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
