Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
