she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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