no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
