pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
