We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
