hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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