Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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