when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
