I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
