Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
babies were throwing up all over the place
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
try to milk me bitch
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