thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
